Dookie Potential for Mega Quake Prime
I don’t know how I missed this one, but I’ll admit, I did. At the Koreannovation trade show in New York, J International CityM Korea Co. Ltd. unveiled the ‘Mega Quake Prime’. This machine claims to provide a full body workout equivalent to 100 minutes of weight training while standing on the platform and being vibrated for just 15 minutes.
I can just imagine standing on the Mega Quake Prime, watching Oprah as the pounds vibrate effortlessly away while eating a bag of cheesy poofs. No, the cheesy poofs should not be an issue if we apply some basic math:
Oprah is a 60 minute program and 60 minutes is 4 times as long as 15 minutes. If the company’s claims are to be believed, one can reasonably expect to get the equivalent of 400 minutes of weight training during The Oprah Winfrey Show. (100 minutes x 4 times as long as 15 minutes) 400 minutes of course is the equivalent of 6 hours and 40 minutes. I’m quite confident that eating a bag of cheesy poofs will be more than offset by the equivalent of 6 hours and 40 minutes of weight training.
Based on the comments I’ve seen around the Internet, the Mega Quake Prime might just be somewhat difficult to sell to the skeptical American marketplace because in short, despite the Mega Quake promises to become the lazy person’s dream come true, I’m quite confident that showing up, standing around and doing nothing with or without a giant vibrator will not make you look like Arnold in his prime.
What most amazes me about this story is that a group of highly paid executives sat in a conference room somewhere in Korea and decided to devote the company’s time & resources to develop this product. Did anyone in that room secretly believe that developing a giant vibrator might not be the best way to utilize the company’s assets? I’ve just got to believe that at least one person felt this way and yet still didn’t have the courage to shout “DOOKIE IN THE POOL” at the top of their lungs and then explain their thoughts to everyone else.
On the other hand, there is the slight possibility that I could be wrong in my assessment. Perhap this giant vibrator could be the answer to our prayers!
Because of this slimmest of all possibilities, I’m going to throw down a challenge:
If J International CityM Korea Co. Ltd. really believes in their product, I’d be more than willing to use their machine everyday for 60 days and forgo cheesy poofs and all other salty, fat laden snacks for this same period. I might actually commit to eating a salad once or twice as well but may shy away if asked to put the salad part in writing. I will however be willing to video tape my progress each day and post it on Youtube. If at the end of the 60 days, the product works as advertised and my fat ass is slimmer, I will work out on this contraption in Times Square for a day. If it doesn’t work as advertised, J International CityM Korea Co. Ltd. admits that their giant vibrator was a Dookie in the Pool and agrees to buy my fat ass a gym membership. Sound fair enough?
I’m going to email a link to this post to the company as soon as this is published. Something tells me that
1. I won’t get and answer to my challenge
2. The only answer to getting into shape is actually going to the gym, and using a membership that I end up paying for myself.
Stay tuned for updates and please pass the cheesy poofs.