Dookies in Many Salespeople’s Pools

I received yet another “How are you doing today?” phone call this morning.  The Good News?  I know that this guy has never attended a sales training course or seminar at SKAE Learning so my reputation is safe.  The terrible news?  This poor guy has never attended a sales training course or seminar at SKAE Learning.

As I’m sure almost every non-salesperson knows and most decent salespeople know (with the exception of the salespeople who continue to use the line) “How are you doing today” screams “Salesperson” or “Telemarketer” to one and all with the possible exception of hermits and shut-ins.  It is insincere and puts most prospects on the defensive immediately.

Why do people insist on using this old worn-out line?

Two reasons:

  1. They’ve been taught to use it
  2. They haven’t been taught not to use it
Having led, trained, coached and managed hundreds of salespeople, it has become abundantly clear that most salespeople build more barriers to prevent sales than their prospects do.  The missing link is usually training or lack thereof.
The first eight to ten seconds of a cold call are crucial.  In this brief time span, five very important objectives must be accomplished:
  1. Identify your prospect
  2. Identify yourself
  3. Identify your company
  4. Identify the reason for your call
  5. Grab your prospect’s attention
Seems like a lot doesn’t it?  It isn’t really; here’s a simple example with the appropriate objective number listed:
(1)*Good morning Mr. Jones? (2) This is Bob Blowhard with (3) JKL Co. (4)The reason/purpose for my call is… (5) Insert attention getter here.
*You can skip this part if your prospect answers the phone “Bob Jones”

Versus this:

May I speak with Mr. Jones?

This is him.

“Good morning Mr. Jones, How are you today?”

“I’m okay” or “I’m terrible” or “What do you want?” or “Who is this?”

The prospect usually doesn’t recognize the voice and has already been put on alert.  Worse yet, the prospect mistakes the salesperson for someone else and things get really akward when they realize their error.

On many occasions I have actually answered this insincere question with “Terrible, my wife just left me and my dog bit me.”  Believe it or not, I’ve heard “That’s Great!” or “That’s too bad, let me tell you about our great new whizziegig!”

Occasionally the salesperson will actually let me off the hook–this shows that they actually listened to me but the end result is still the same.

The salesperson built up a barrier and didn’t have a chance at getting my interest.

Remember the three S’s: Short, Sweet, Sincere.  It beats Insincere every time.

A Dookie in the McCain-Palin Pool

I thought that John McCain showed a great deal of courage and insight in choosing Sarah Palin as his runningmate.  Before I go any further, after 8 years of Bill Clinton followed by 8 more of George Bush, I have come to the conclusion that backing either platform is a mistake.  Neither party has all of the answers and what we really need are bi-partisans who care more about serving the people than serving themselves and their cronies.  As a result, I am solidly an independent. 

Forget for a moment what Sarah Palin’s positions are and what her background is.  After having announced his choice for Vice President and being introduced to Sarah Palin, who by most accounts seems like a decent choice, we were introduced to her family.  Sarah and her husband were high school sweethearts, their son is being deployed to Iraq, four other beautiful children including a newborn with Downs Syndrome.  Sounds like an all-American family.  In fact, at first glance, it seemed as if Sarah Palin could identify with the average, middle-class American- a large group that has been given the shaft by both parties for decades. 

A few short days later, we all learned that her teen-aged daughter was pregnant.

Unexpected pregnancies happen every day in this country and throughout most of the world.  This in and of itself should make Sarah & her family even more like yours and mine: we’re fallible and we all make mistakes.

What concerns me is this: Why did we not hear about this unplanned pregnancy and the wedding plans on Friday when her family was introduced to the nation?    Why not announce that a grandchild is on the way?  I admire the fact that the Palin’s are being supportive of their daughter during what must be a difficult time in her life right now.  We can’t blame Bristol and her boyfriend for this situation, they fessed up to the only people that they are responsible to and are preparing to bring their child into the world.

Herein lies the Dookie: Had the Palin’s been upfront about this matter, I’m quite confident that America would have been far more understanding than many are now.  The media frenzy has  been absolutely disgusting.  Although after Michael Jackson, Paris Hilton and Brittany Spears, we all now know that the media appeals to the lowest common denominator has no credibilty left with people who can actually think logically for themselves.

Instead of bringing a fresh perspective and new ideas, it would appear as if Sarah Palin has quickly learned the deceitful ways of a Washington veteran.

 

IMSMART License Plate

Driving home from the Robert Plant/Allison Krause concert last night with my wife, I spotted a car with ‘IMSMART’ on the vanity license plate. 

This plate got me thinking.  In fact I thought about the possible implications of having such a plate all the way home as my wife dozed off next to me.

Now, I don’t know if the person behind the wheel of this particular car is smart.  They may be.  They may not be, who’s to know? 

If they really are smart, why do they feel the need to tell everyone? 

If they aren’t smart, are they trying to cover up this fact?  If so, wouldn’t their friends and neighbors realize this and point it out or perhaps gossip amongst themselves?

“Hey Fred?  Remember the time you set the dog on fire trying to light the Barbeque? That wasn’t too smart now was it?” 

“See Mildred, I told you Fred thinks he’s smarter than everyone else.  Now he’s gone out and got himself a license plate that tells the whole world! IMSMART indeed!  That has got to be one of the dumbest things I’ve ever seen.”

Many of us see hundreds of cars everyday and most likely don’t pay much attention to the license plate. What really got me thinking about this one is the simple fact that I live in New York where drivers are famous or perhaps infamous for ‘communicating’ their feelings for and about other drivers both verbally and through the extensive use of gestures including, but not limited to extending a single digit in the general direction  of motorists who are perceived to possess less than satisfactory driving skills.

With this in mind I thought to myself,  ”Wow!  Talk about setting yourself up for potential ridicule.”  

Can you imagine having an ’IMSMART’ vanity tag and then cutting someone off?  At the next light the offended New Yorker pulls up and has a field day based on your tag alone!  How does one respond?  How can one respond?  I mean, you’ve announced for the whole world to see ‘IMSMART’ and they you did something dumb.

As I made my way home, I thought that perhaps ‘IMDUMB’ might be a much safer choice.  At least if you did something wrong and were accosted by another motorist you could point out that they had ample warning based on your tag.

As I convinced myself that ‘IMDUMB’ might be a better option, I realized that usage of the word ‘DUMB’ would not be politically correct.  Of course I also realized that if you really think that you’re dumb, you might not be too concerned about being politically correct anyway.

Some other adjectives came to mind such as ‘STUPID’.  I’m fairly certain that ‘IMSTUPID’ would do the trick, in fact, it might actually prevent many problems. 

Think about it.  An irate driver would have to pause and wonder “Who would be stupid enough to put “IMSTUPID” on their license plate?  Further more, if they are really that stupid, do I really want to get into an altercation with this person?”  We all do stupid things but maybe, just maybe acting stupid sometimes can actually payoff. 

A better option may have been ‘GETSMART’.  ‘GETSMART’ could imply that the driver of the vehicle is a fan of the popular show Get Smart.  It also implies that one should think about getting smarter and could actually be a good tag for a college admissions person.  What it doesn’t imply is the cursed “I’m smarter than you”.

All things considered, a Dookie in the Pool of “IMSMART.” 

A Dookie in this ‘Sick’ Person’s Pool

“I will be out sick on Wednesday 05/21/2008″. 

This was an actual automated response we received from our latest SKAE Learning email blast from one recipient.

The fact that it’s written in the future tense is what really makes this a great email.  Is this person psychic?  Their ability to foretell illness is simply astounding!  (Okay, I’ll admit that I’ve done it myself. I’ve known months ahead of time that I’d be ’sick’ on a particular day although I’ve never actually put it in writing for the anyone with my email address to see.)

Obviously this person may have gone home feeling ill on 05/20/2008.  Perhaps they were able to log in remotely and change the message on their auto attendant.  The Mets are in Atlanta and the Yankees have a night game today so we know that they weren’t at a game.  In truth, this really could be a legitimate illness.

The Dookie™ lies in that perception is everything.  A superior or irate customer on the receiving end of this automated response may not see the humor.  If they fail to give it much thought other than obviously (we hope) realizing that an error was made, our sick friend has a problem on their hands and some explaining to do when they return to work.

At the very least, what is most likely an honest error shows a lack of attention to detail on the part of the ’sender’.   This is a prime example of someone dropping a Dookie™ into their own Pool.  It’s somewhat embarrassing and most definitely preventable.  After having a chuckle, we can all learn from the misstakes mistakes of others.  My Advice: A little extra attention to detail if you’re really sick or learn to cover your tracks better if you’re really goofing off.

By the way **** *********, I hope you’re feeling much better tomorrow. 

Our first of what we believe to be many Dookies in the Pool!

Sometimes people tend to take themselves just a wee bit too seriously. For example, lets take a look at an actual letter that was received at a very well respected New York based company from an irate gentleman located somewhere south of the Mason-Dixon line:

Gentlemen,

I have received my last insult from your organization.

The next letter will come from my attorney.  This may be amusing to you but it is very embarrassing and quite disturbing to continue to receive mail addressed to #### F*ck.  My secretary has called on several occasions and asked you to re-address this letter.  (The mailer in question not a letter it was actually a catalog which was returned with this nastygram attached. The address on the nastygram was misspelled as well but somehow made it to the correct address.  Perhaps someone at his company F**ked this up–Ed)

The irony is that ##### ######## Corp. promotes itself as a ########## ####### with expertise in ######### Communication and ##### #########.  How can you send mail out like this and promote yourselves as ######## in ######### and Tact?  What a joke!

Let me put it very bluntly.  Keep sending this profanity and be prepared to defend yourself legally. (People would pay good money to see this case in a courtroom.  Could Judge Judy Pay-Per-View be on the horizon?–Ed)

Seriously and Sincerely,

#### *. F**k (Anonymity protected–Ed)

Not 

#### *. F*ck! 

It turns out that this well-respected company had purchased a mailing list based on stringent demographic criteria.  I have been assured that profanity as a part of the last name was not one of the criteria.  When informed of this irate letter, the company in question took the following actions:

1. The Director of Sales called immediately to apologize.  Mr. F**k Not F*ck refused to take the call so the Director of Sales left a message with his secretary stating that the matter was being looked into and that a follow up call would be made later that day.

2. The Marketing Manager discovered from the source code on the returned catalog that the name & address had indeed come from a rented mailing list.  The name and address were immediately removed from the list and the list broker notified. 

3. The Director of Sales followed up later that morning.  Once again Mr. F**k Not F*ck refused to take the call.  The Director of Sales explained the situation to Mr. F**k Not F*ck’s secretary, stated that the issue had been rectified, the list broker notified, apologized once again and made a very generous offer to Mr. F**k Not F*ck.  To date, Mr. F**k Not F*ck has not called back to take advantage of the company’s offer.

Does this qualify as a Dookie™ in the Pool? Sure it does–a small manageable Dookie™ for the company in question and a much larger Dookie™ for Mr. F**k Not F*ck.

Had Mr. F**k Not F*ck understood that people make honest mistakes and had the gumption to call himself, he could have had a very good time with the people answering the phone at the company in question and a come away with a very good story to tell.  Imagine the possibilities:  Hello this is Mr. F**k Not F*ck.  I’d like to speak to the CEO/VP of Marketing/VP of Sales etc. immediately!  I’m sure you can take it from there.  Instead, this guy gets the business twice; Once with his name incorrectly spelled on the catalog and again here on the Internet.

What more could the company have done?  Not much really.  We can’t plan for every possible scenario.   Sometimes a Dookie™ slips into the Pool unnoticed and all you can do is shrug your shoulders, make sure that it doesn’t happen again and admit that you F*cked Not F**ked up.