Dookies™ in the Pool

I received yet another “How are you doing today?” phone call this morning.  The Good News?  I know that this guy has never attended a sales training course or seminar at SKAE Learning so my reputation is safe.  The terrible news?  This poor guy has never attended a sales training course or seminar at SKAE Learning.

As I’m sure almost every non-salesperson knows and most decent salespeople know (with the exception of the salespeople who continue to use the line) “How are you doing today” screams “Salesperson” or “Telemarketer” to one and all with the possible exception of hermits and shut-ins.  It is insincere and puts most prospects on the defensive immediately.

Why do people insist on using this old worn-out line?

Two reasons:

1. They’ve been taught to use it
2. They haven’t been taught not to use it

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Interspire is a 6 year-old company based in Australia with offices in the United States and the U.K.  These guys were passionate about software and wrote PHP and ASP versions of their applications.  The software allowed anyone and I do mean anyone, to build, operate and update a website quickly, easily and without knowing any html or other coding languages.  From time-to-time I’ve hired freelancers to customize some of my sites but I actually learned to do much of this work myself because Interspire’s applications were easy to use and easy to correct any errors that I made.

If memory serves me well, they even installed the software absolutely free of charge.  At some point they stopped building ASP versions and focused their attention on building great PHP web-based software applications. 

Monster.com, GE, Shell, Intel and many other large corporations use Interspire’s applications and although I’m by no means a corporate giant, I was proud to be in such prestigious company, felt that I had made some very wise choices and was overall, a very happy camper.

Back about 4 years ago when Interspire was a two-year old startup, the response times and support were superior to anything else out there.

I believe that as Interspire has grown, the issues have grown along with the company, hence the term “growing pains.”  The support times have gotten longer, there is now a charge to have the software installed (okay, I understand this one–software installation does cost time, effort and money), instead of paying an annual support fee that included upgrades, Interspire changed the names of some products and required loyal customers to pay for a new version instead of getting upgrades with their support agreements.  I know for a fact that this resulted in a number of disgruntled customers who vowed to never return to Interspire. 

Throughout all of this, I’ve remained a loyal customer.

In the coaching and training I do for companies, I find that many times there is a certain point where growth exceeds the company’s ability to maintain the same level of responsiveness and support.  As a company expands, it becomes more and more difficult to quickly attract, train and retain a top quality pool of talent. 

In many instances companies unwittingly attract talent from the shallow end of the talent pool.  This is similar to what happens when a professional sports league expands.  When new teams are added, there is a greater need for talent resulting in teams signing players that under other circumstances would be considered minor leaguers at best. 

I understand that Interspire is a for-profit enterprise and I understand that Interspire has changed its business model somewhat over the years as well but sometimes I’m beginning to feel as if redundancy is being built in for the sake of profits vs. better products and seemless product integration.

I purchased Interspire’s Shopping Cart last May.  I’ve very happy with it–I feel that it’s a great piece of software and a good value.

Earlier this week I upgraded from a version of SendStudio to Email Marketer and I’m very happy with the new software as well.  I feel that Interspire earned my upgrade dollars by providing a superior application. The problem arose when I tried to re-integrate Shopping Cart with Email Marketer.  I couldn’t get the XML token to work.

Interspire’s support responded to my support ticket request by telling me that my version of Shopping Cart isn’t compatible with the version of Email Marketer that I just paid another $249.00 for.  The solution?  Upgrade Shopping Cart for another $200.00.  Had I known that the new version of email marketer wasn’t compatible with my version of Shopping Cart  (support and updates ran out about 6 months ago,) I would have reconsidered my decision to upgrade in the first place. 

In essence, my decision to upgrade  may cause me to pay more money to upgrade something else that I don’t think needs upgrading at this time.  At the very least, getting emails from Shopping Cart into Email Marketer will become more onerous because I’ll have to do it manually.

Great companies find a way to overcome these challenges and continue on their upward trajectory.  I sincerely hope that Interspire puts their customer’s needs and backward compatibility ahead of making a buck.  If they can build this kind of foresight into their business model, their customers will more than reward them with more sales, referral business, more support contracts and greater profits.

Tags: Dookie Companies, Dookie Policies by admin
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I experienced an increasingly rare moment of absolute and total lucidity a few days ago. 

I sat through a day-long planning session.  I was online watching and participating when called upon, but not a presenter.  This approach has it’s pros and cons.

On the pro side, remote participants are pretty much tied to their desks so you are compelled to do the things that you know you should do, but that always seem to fall through the cracks.  It allows one to check & answer email and bio-breaks can usually be accomplished without the entire world knowing where you went or what you’re doing. 

On the con side, you can’t really goof off too much because if called upon, you need to know what’s going on.  The web cam doesn’t show the entire meeting room so you don’t always know who’s talking and finally, you can’t always hear everything that’s said.

Nevertheless, as the meeting droned on into the afternoon, I listened to everyone’s great ideas and chimed in when called upon and when appropriate–you always want them to know that you’re there.   During one particularily self-serving presentation by a self-absorbed bore, I snapped to attention when this person said “When all is said and done…”.   Of course, I have absolutely no idea what came next as he mercifully attempted to summarize and end his presentation because at that very moment it became clear to me what the problem is at many organizations: Far more is said than is ever done.

How many meetings have you attended where lofty goals and ideals are bandied about in order to impress one’s peers and more importantly, to impress one’s superiors?  A soon as everyone returns to their offices, it’s back to business as usual.

Anyone can talk-the-talk, far fewer seem to be able to walk-the-walk.  In essence, it all comes down to an organization’s ability to execute their strategy.  It seems as if ’strategy’ is where it’s at.  People embrace their strategy, they internalize their strategy, they personalize their strategy.  What about tactics?  How is that strategy going to be implemented?

Here comes the Dookie: This presenter told everyone what he wanted his strategy to be and everyone seemed to think it was a good idea.  The ‘how’ ended up being the missing link. 

A strategy without tactics is merely a dream. 

And about my increasingly rare moments of absolute and total lucidity, I don’t suffer from dementia or anything, it’s just that when I was younger, I was under the impression that I and I alone saw everything clearly and had all of the answers.  I’m now wise enough to know that wisdom will always be just beyond my reach.

Tags: Dookie Companies, Dookie Policies by admin
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I don’t know how I missed this one, but I’ll admit, I did.  At the Koreannovation trade show in New York, J International CityM Korea Co. Ltd. unveiled the ‘Mega Quake Prime’.  This machine claims to provide a full body workout equivalent to 100 minutes of weight training while standing on the platform and being vibrated for just 15 minutes.

I can just imagine standing on the Mega Quake Prime, watching Oprah as the pounds vibrate effortlessly away while eating a bag of cheesy poofs.  No, the cheesy poofs should not be an issue if we apply some basic math: 

Oprah is a 60 minute program and 60 minutes is 4 times as long as 15 minutes.  If the company’s claims are to be believed,  one can reasonably expect to get the equivalent of 400 minutes of weight training during The Oprah Winfrey Show.  (100 minutes x 4 times as long as 15 minutes) 400 minutes of course is the equivalent of 6 hours and 40 minutes.  I’m quite confident that eating a bag of cheesy poofs will be more than offset by the equivalent of 6 hours and 40 minutes of weight training. 

Based on the comments I’ve seen around the Internet, the Mega Quake Prime might just be somewhat difficult to sell to the skeptical American marketplace because in short, despite the Mega Quake promises to become the lazy person’s dream come true,  I’m quite confident that showing up, standing around and doing nothing with or without a giant vibrator will not make you look like Arnold in his prime.

What most amazes me about this story is that a group of highly paid executives sat in a conference room somewhere in Korea and decided to devote the company’s time & resources to develop this product.  Did anyone in that room secretly believe that developing a giant vibrator might not be the best way to utilize the company’s assets?  I’ve just got to believe that at least one person felt this way and yet still didn’t have the courage to shout “DOOKIE IN THE POOL” at the top of their lungs and then explain their thoughts to everyone else.

On the other hand, there is the slight possibility that I could be wrong in my assessment.  Perhap this giant vibrator could be the answer to our prayers! 

Because of this slimmest of all possibilities, I’m going to throw down a challenge: 

If J International CityM Korea Co. Ltd. really believes in their product, I’d be more than willing to use their machine everyday for 60 days and forgo cheesy poofs and all other salty, fat laden snacks for this same period.  I might actually commit to eating a salad once or twice as well but may shy away if asked to put the salad part in writing. I will however be willing to video tape my progress each day and post it on Youtube.  If at the end of the 60 days, the product works as advertised and my fat ass is slimmer, I will work out on this contraption in Times Square for a day.  If it doesn’t work as advertised,  J International CityM Korea Co. Ltd. admits that their giant vibrator was a Dookie in the Pool and agrees to buy my fat ass a gym membership. Sound fair enough?

I’m going to email a link to this post to the company as soon as this is published.  Something tells me that

1. I won’t get and answer to my challenge

2. The only answer to getting into shape is actually going to the gym, and using a membership that I end up paying for myself. 

Stay tuned for updates and please pass the cheesy poofs.

Tags: Dookie Companies by admin
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This is great.  Once again, the airlines find that they are losing money.  Apparently, this time rising fuel prices are to blame.

I really wonder why nobody in the executive ranks at all of these companies had the forsight to hedge rising fuel costs.  Cereal companies hedge the cost of their raw materials namely the grains, corn etc., that goes into the products that they make.  Haven’t the folks at the airlines caught on yet?

What truly makes this scary is that it would appear that almost all of them are losing money.

American Airlines is by one estimate, losing almost $3.5 million a day.  Ticket prices have risen 6% while jet fuel prices have risen more than 92% over the past year.  Clearly something has to give.

What would happen if market-rate fuel surcharges were added?  Would people fly less?  Perhaps, perhaps not.

If people flew less as a result of the higher fuel surcharge, planes would probably fly closer to their capacity and fewer flights would be needed. 

If people flew the same amount as they did before the spike, airline fuel bills would be covered and there would be a little left over for profit–a pretty simple concept.

With recent price spikes for flour, my local bakery, bagel shop and pizza place have all raised prices and apologized for having to have had to do it.  These businesses aren’t charities, they simple need to earn a profit for all of their value-added labor.  I don’t like the higher prices but as a consumer, I know that if local retailers aren’t making money, they tend to close up shop fairly quickly and it’ll cost more in terms of time, money and quality to go to another store.

What I don’t understand is why major airlines, with legions of seemly intellegent people working for them, can’t make this concept work as well.

Something tells me that Chapter 11 is in the future for some, mergers for others. 

At some point someone needs to yell “Dookie in the Pool!  What we’re doing isn’t sustainable so we’ve got to try a rather novel concept for an airline, we’re going to try to make sure that our revenues exceed our expenses” 

Unfortunately history is a pretty good indicator so I’d suggest that more of the same is on the horizon.  I hope they’ll let me transfer my airline mikes.

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Back in 1996, Nabisco reviewed their product portfolio and decided to eliminate approximately 400 products. One of the products that met its demise was the Crown Pilot cracker.

Most people might not care about a cracker being discontinued especially since it is a regional product. Mainers strongly disagreed. A woman named Donna Damon rallied the Crown Pilot faithful and launched a protest that made its way to The New York Times, Boston Herald, San Francisco Chronicle, The Baltimore Sun, The St. Petersburg Times, Yankee Magazine, Christian Science Monitor, Charles Osgood on CBS radio and many more media outlets.

Nabisco relented and with great fanfare shipped the crackers from Boston to Portland on a ferry, gave out boxes of the crackers and served chowda (chowder to everyone outside New England) to those in attendance.

Apparently Nabisco’s parent Kraft may be ready to take on the New Englanders once again. Sandra Oliver recently wrote an article in the Working Waterfront/Inter-Island News that has the locals ready to take action once again.

A food writer spoke with Ms. Oliver about how to make chowder. (I’d love the recipe if available) The food writer then called Nabisco. The person at Nabisco apparently asked the food writer not to mention the Crown Pilot Cracker because the company had no interest in promoting said cracker.

Of course the food writer relayed this news to Ms. Oliver and the alarm was sounded, rightly so I might ad.

What could possibly be going on here? Perhaps Kraft is once again reviewing their product portfolio and determining what to keep and what should go. One can only assume that at some point someone at Kraft/Nabisco would yell “Dookie in the Pool™” and remind the powers that be of the Great Cracker Controversy of 1996.  If they really want to kill this product, New Englanders will I’m sure, once again fight the battle. Could this possibly be another attempt at free publicity?

Quite frankly, if Kraft/Nabisco were to come out and publicly announced that there was no intention to pull this regional favorite, the company would garner publicity from those consumers who matter most–their New England customers and would also generate a great deal of goodwill amongst Pilot Cracker lovers. 

I’m quite interested to see how this plays out.  I’d expect to see an all out brawl from the folks in New England.  Kraft/Nabisco certainly has a tremendous amount of financial and PR clout but should they decide to kill the cracker, I’d put my money on our neighbors in New England.

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I’ve worked at a number of companies where it seemed as if the IT department ran the entire show.  The tail wags the dog at these companies and nobody seems to know why nor does anyone ever stand up and yell “Dookie in the Pool™”.  Judging from the emails I get, this must be a recurring theme at a lot of companies.  One writer tells of working at a company with an N-O department.  Any and all IT requests however trivial, were initially met with an N-O.

In January of this year a certain company had moved locations.  All new furniture, computers, telephones etc.  Some of the software systems were upgraded as well.   In mid-March, one of the sales managers could no longer access the telephone accounting system software; the system responsible for logging inbound and outbound telephone calls, talk time etc. 

One would assume that a simple call to IT would fix the problem as the error message indicated a server connection issue.  The “IT guy” who works out of a different location (quite possibly for personal safety reasons), blamed the issue on the software vendor and refused to even log in remotely to see first hand what the issue was. 

What’s a sales manager to do?  Call the software vendor about an internal server connectivity problem of course!  The software vendor was very supportive (pun intended).  More than a week later after a great deal of troubleshooting, the issue was still not resolved. 

Fortunately the “IT guy” shows up in the office and gets conned into stopping by the sales managers’ office.  Guess what?  He can’t log into the application either and gets the exact same error message a full two weeks later!

The software vendor is called yet again.  This time they get software engineers involved on conference calls, they provide what I’m quite sure was great advice given the unknown nature of the problem; try this, try that and try everything under the sun.  Still, nobody could access the application.

 In early April, in the midst of one of these support phone calls, someone at the software company (probably an underpaid smart person that most people don’t normally listen too) yells “Dookie in the Pool™” (not exactly but close enough)  ”Wait a minute, your CFO cancelled the service with us on March 14th”.

A copy of the letter was faxed over and sure enough the CFO had indeed cancelled the service on March 14th, agreeing to pay the current invoice as well as the final invoice.

Of course nobody at this company bothered to check to see if the new software application had been installed and was up and running before they cancelled the contract on the old application and set into motion hours upon hours of wasted time and effort.

I hope that the final invoice is a real doozie in order to compensate for a real Dookie™. 

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